My hand turned me down
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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