yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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