Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
