this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize