i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
