hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
