He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
