Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I need moral support for this bender
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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