Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
