Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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