dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
