the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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