I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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