Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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