You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
