After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
