We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
