just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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