Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
