we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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