so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
