He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
