6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
