Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
