Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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