Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
