who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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