Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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