Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
