I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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