between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
