You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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