I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
