I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
