haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
