i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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