Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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