k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
