Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
