It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
