I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
