Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
