But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
