I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
