Sponge bath it is.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
