thus making me awesome and them whores
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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