I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
