I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
