I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
