bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
