based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Every concussion has its silver lining
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
