capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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