he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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