i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
