you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
