Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
