Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think my fart just growled at me.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
