evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
