There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
