when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
