the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
