Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
