there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
