I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
