Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
