so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
