The maid of honor just puked.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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