His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
