you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
